Tuesday, June 19, 2007

"a true revolutionary is motivated by feelings of love".........
I would promise that I am gonna write on this blog sometime soon ... since I took the time to start it and all .... but for right now it's a promise I am not ready to make.
There is so much I want to say but just can't!!! It's like I'm not allowed!
grrrrrrr!!!
It's not entirely bad, all part of some growth process.
very very frustrating place to be,
I've been here before ...
or maybe it comes to you when your ready, cause actually I have been waiting for it - hoping and praying for it, even tried to force it once or twice - things don't always work that way.
but when it's time you can't not either.
I recognise the beginning .... of the end.
Just in case that sounds weird (which I'm sure it does) especially with the song I'm adding ... what I've finally reached is kind of a burning off phase, a letting go and moving forward and like the times before it starts with walking and silence.....

.................Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisperd in the sounds of silence.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

A song plays on while the moon is hiding
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

childhood memories

Ever look back to when you were a kid?
Not through events or life, but just at yourself, what you must have been like as a person then.
I love to hear people tell stories of growing up, everyone has things that sound so silly to even remember, but still stuck in their minds for some reason.
At times it's people in your own family who add their memories gathered along the way, things about you they kept.
My aunt Marie always brings up how for my 5th birthday, she took me to the toy store and said I could have anything I wanted.... anything at all.
What did I pick???
A paper doll that cost a quarter.
No matter what she tried, I would not change my mind, THAT is what I wanted.
SHE had planned to give me something more special - like my first bicycle, and was so mad over what I chose....
I laugh and blame it on her .... she should have said I'm taking you to get a bike, then I would have never even thought about wanting a paper doll .... better yet, she could have bought both!!!!
Aunt Marie always says when she looks at me she still just sees that little girl ... up Grandmas ass - hands into everything - sneaking kittens into the house.
She also likes to remind me of the time I OD'ed on sleeping pills at age 3.
Hey, thinking now, maybe that's why I never got into drugs as a teen??
They say the foundation of who you will be is formed in those three years.
Maybe they are right.
That time was spent almost entirely with grandparents .
My one Grandfather had his own advertising agency down town and since my granny Boo hated "business" stuff - anytime he had to take a client out I got to dress up and be his dinner date.
I remember this cause my favorite thing to do during dinner was - use the restroom, several times .... ok I was playing in the sink mostly, but there was also a tray of pretty grown up girl stuff I loved to just look at.
Perfume, lipstick, lotion.
His (my grandfathers) favorite memory from this to share ..... is the time I looked straight at his very important client and calmly stated.... " your stupid, I hope your gonna shut up soon"
:( .... (head down) this lesson I may still be working on.
but he didn't get mad. He always had a way of explaining things with why and how.
I can come up with a million of these memories .....
Simple ones I've been told are, I never wanted to go to bed, in fact I screamed until I puked - but instead of fighting for control we came to a compromise .... music boxes to wind and listen too till I feel asleep, or sometimes those read-along books on tape things ....... anyone else have them? I love them!
One I always tell myself, to that little girl inside ... once my mother was in the bathroom and had locked the door..... so I lie on the floor looking through the crack demanding to be let in, and she just wouldn't open it!!! I got mad and said "I want my daddy" ..... but then I thought no, ... he would get mad that I was throwing a fit .... and changed my mind .... "I want my Boo instead".... wait? she would just tell me to go sit down and wait .................. I got up, went and sat on the steps thinking over every person I knew and what I thought their reaction would be to the situation I was in and what advice they would give. None of them!! I was sure!!! would say screaming and crying or demanding was the best thing to do, maybe I should just wait for her to come out ....
LOL there never was hope for my brain ever, from the begining!
Thank god!!
I wish someone else will leave a memory in the comments, my inner child LOVES LOVES LOVES to share, and now your all just mean and very bad people if you read that and don't :P

Monday, June 4, 2007

Has the whole world gone mad?
I don't know what I fear more?
To know whats going on out there
or not know enough?

I try to look at as many sources as possible, from as many sides.
I'm afraid to pay attention to whats going on at home anymore, looking out my own window is enough to convince me were doomed!!!

I'm tired of seeing it and hearing about it!!
War killing and hate everywhere!
Of course the United seems to be somehow blamed for every second of it?
Do they even broadcast these things anymore?
Demands from Al Qaeda?
only 6?

One: Pull every one of your last soldiers, spies, security advisors, trainers, attach&eacutes, and so on out every Muslim land from Afghanistan to Zanzibar. Should so much as one single American soldier or spy remain on Islamic soil, it shall be considered sufficient justification for us to continue our defensive Jihad against your nation and people.

Two: Stop all support and aid, military, political, economic, or otherwise to the 56 plus apostate regimes of the Muslim world and abandon them to their well-deserved fate at the hands of the soldiers of Islam. Should you fail to comply in full, we will deem it sufficient justification to continue to fight and kill Americans.

Three: End all support, moral, military, economic, political, or otherwise to the bastard state of Israel and ban your citizens, Zionist Jews, Zionist Christians, and the rest from traveling to occupied Palestine or settling there. Even one penny of aid will be considered sufficient justification to continue the fight.

Four: Cease all interference in the religion, society, politics, and governance of the Muslims world. And leave us alone to establish the Islamic shura state, which will unite the Muslims of Earth in truth and justice. A single word of American protest shall be silenced by a thousand Islamic bombs.

Five: Put an end to all forms of interference in the education curricula and information media of the Islamic world, and impose a blanket ban on all broadcasts to our region, especially those designed to alter or destroy the faith, minds, morals, and values, of our people.

Six: Free all Muslim captives from your prisons, detention facilities, and concentration camps, regardless of whether they are recipients of what you call a fair trial or not. Your refusal to release them will mean the continuation of our just struggle against your tyranny until the last kidnapped Muslim has been liberated.

HUH?? 56 apostates of the Muslim world?? whats that mean?? I just shake my head? does no one think this all some psychotic madness? All of it!! and I didn't copy the parts about baby killing and other great stuff .......

I don't want to watch this show anymore ...
I don't care if it's real or not!!
Isn't there anyone out there who just wants to enjoy being alive again??
and why do I feel guilty to want to even try that?
alright pull yourself together.
I don't want my blog to be like most others, pointing out problems, negatives............
I want to find hope, I wanna smile and laugh.............. see beauty in the simple things.
Sing and dance,
explore the world,
learn and try new things,
play games,
meet and talk to interesting people,
be inspired.................
Is that too much to ask for?
In a world full of death, wouldnt the answer be to fight back with all the life you have left in you?

Sunday, June 3, 2007

I've been tagged...

Another thing I know about blogging....
is sometimes people play these little games called "tag"
several versions with various objectives make their rounds, and guess what?
I'm it already :)

5 things you don't know about me ( I think it was 5?)

..... First off, I'm gonna just come out and confess ...........................
I think way toooooooo much!!!
about everything!!!
Not in a way I would consider over thinking, but more like I want to be sure I had the right answer.
Sadly, as some cruel joke, I also lack brain mouth coordination ...................... I prefer to not label this disease a disability, but instead think of it more as "practice", or raising my odds.
Like, if in one day I said 20 ridiculous things, maybe only half of them turned out to be actually funny or what ever .... where if I had control over this - I may have just said 10 things but only 5 worked.... Understand???
any how .... I'm sure you'll see what I mean eventually.

second thing about me is I can always find a song or movie that relates to anything I'm trying to express... so in reference to my above statement, I think I will add some lyrics from " One Week" by "Bare naked ladies"
"I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve, I have a history of losing my shirt....."

Third thing - today anyway - is I have to go to work now ......
and I'm sometimes very abrupt.................especially when there is something I know I have to do, possibly to the point of appearing rude... even when I'm not trying to be ........... later



Friday, June 1, 2007

So this is a beginning.
Of what I don't know.
I've noticed when people start a blog,
they seem to be obligated to make some welcome speech connecting their presence to the universe or something.
Maybe it's like a birth announcement?
Which makes my blog a Gemini..
haha!!!! sign of the communicator, intellect, child, and duel personality .............
we will see I guess.
But what to say????
ummmm...... hello!
here I am, a star.
not to be confused with the kind on TV and such,
just one in a million floating around out there.
undiscovered yet, but I'm sure eventually some one will see me ....
The start of something new is also the end of what was.
a little sad,
in a way, scary too.
No looking back now....................
What will be will be,
and the sun always rises, I think thats the one hope you can always count on to come through in the end.
Quotes from Diogenes